Except for Party John Ramos' newfound ability to lift his arms above his head, it's been an off-season of idleness for the Wizards organization. Meanwhile, the Eastern Conference has been one of activity and movement not seen since Juan Dixon thought there was a bacterial outbreak in his locker.
Stout Bitch Skiles and his Bulls made a big move by signing Ike Austin's shadow, Ben Wallace. The Heat are the reigning champions and signed Dwyane Wade to a contract extension (though they still make his checks out to "Dwayne." Assholes). Orlando got a Christian-poet-backache in JJ Reddick. Charlotte hired Saleri to wipe out the hopes and dreams of an entire city. And Hotlanta threw tons of money at Speedy Claxton, a former Teen Titan (shown below).
Concerned with all the upgrades in the Eastern Conference as the Bullets stand still, we decided to ask Intern August Strindberg -- seen below learning the chords to Rudimentary Peni's "Black President" -- for his incites about this off-season.